Releasing Self-Sacrificial Lamb Identity


 https://www.yourtango.com/experts/psychicmediumreadings-bykristine/why-too-much-self-sacrifice-negatively-impacts-your-life#Sacrificing%20and%20Being%20A%20Martyr%20Is%20Not%20Noble.


As a codependent daughter raised in a culture where giving and helping was praised, demanded, obligatory, and even in most cases expected, I learned to jump in when I saw or heard trouble, feelings, or problems. This also was modeled for me by my Mama. As I'm taking this Course on Self-Care/Self-Love, here are some wonderful reminders Transformation Coach, Natalie Rivera, narrates on "Sacrificial Harms Done by Helping". These are so relatable and part of my healing journey. 

1. Making the person you are helping feel guilty because it matters to you. The person you are helping isn't even asking for help. they are just venting or talking about a problem.

2. Your children learn the pattern of self-sacrifice by you as a parent giving up your dreams. You model that behavior to them. Instead, you could model going after your dreams and allow others to do the same in your life.

3. Lending money and creating dependency on you. This also creates resentment. and harms the relationship. It harms you inside. Two important quotes here:

"Obligation forces contempt" Seneca the Younger 

" Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die" St. Augustine


It's seeing the resentment wound mirrored back to me, that was the key in my harming not only myself but another person. I did this! I had to let the person find their own solution! I had to let them experience pain or even other feelings and share them with their tribe and it wasn't against me. It was for them! I was letting go of a codependent "savior" model that didn't work for my parents and lots of relationships in my life! Thank God, 12 Steps, Church, Counselors, Trauma Work, and Countless other programs I've participated in to really see what I want and who I really am today! I re-late to others in relationships!






  







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