Handling Other's Emotions




 Good morning, Followers!

 This morning I wanted to touch on a topic that has always been tough for me: Confrontation! And to make it worse... the other person you're involved with has a negative emotional state!

I'm still taking "the Emotional Intelligence Life Coaching Certification Course" through "Transformation Academy". This particular topic I'm going to touch on is simply and clearly presented by Natalie Rivera.

First, let's look as she does at the 4 common negative emotional states:

  1. Apathy: This person displays either disengagement or shutdown. Here's more about "what science says about apathy" from psychlogs.com
https://www.psychologs.com/feeling-empty-heres-what-science-says-about-apathy/#google_vignette

If you are indeed talking with a person with "apathy", the best course of action, is to give them the floor. Express genuine "interest" in understanding both how they think and feel about the situation. Then ask them what they need or want and how you can best help them. 

     2. Defensive: Start off by putting them at ease by "removing" any threat that they may be feeling.

Here's a in-depth article on "Defensive Emotions" from neurolaunch.com

https://neurolaunch.com/defensive-emotions/#google_vignette 

If you are up against a defensive person, recognize this could be about about another person around them or a "fear of retribution". When speaking, make sure your tone isn't "accusatory". Also make it clear to them that you're giving them the benefit of the doubt and genuinely want to understand their "perspective". Last but not least, ask them for help finding a "solution".

    3.  Sadness or Crying: If someone is either crying or is visibly sad, "acknowledge" it "gently".

Here's another fascinating article from neurolaunch.com on "What is Sadness in Psychology?"

https://neurolaunch.com/what-is-sadness-in-psychology/

If you are dealing with a sad or crying person, ask them first, "if they are okay". Next, ask if they would like to "talk". If they are crying, you can offer them a tissue. If you need to discuss something with them to "resolve an issue", offer them a "moment to gather themselves and their thoughts."

    4.  Anger or Escalating Emotion: It's important to address "subtle emotions" before they get to levels of "escalation".

Here's a article from reallifecounseling.us on "Understanding the 4 Stages of Anger"

https://reallifecounseling.us/blog/stages-of-anger

All "strong " negative emotions begin at subtler stages. For ex: what begins as an annoyance can then move to a frustration and then to anger, and in extreme cases, escalate to rage. You can avoid triggering anger in another person by being "mindful" of preserving that person's dignity and also treating them with "respect"-even if you "disagree with them. The most important "response" for you in this case is for you to remain "calm" and not "react emotionally".

You can also help prevent anger from escalating by "redirecting" the conversation that is feeding the negative emotions. If a person is upset, thy can escalate their own emotional state by "focusing" on what upsets "them". If the other party is "venting" or "complaining",  and telling a story that isn't relevant or has already been established, it's okay to gently "interrupt" them, and redirect them back to "solutions" or "objectives".

Once the emotions are running "high", conversations are no longer productive. Period!!!! Once anyone is acting rude, displaying aggression, or showing other signs of "unresolvable anger", it's best to end the conversation. Do acknowledge that the person is "upset" and that you're happy to "continue" the conversation at "another time".

Some final thoughts:

  • Keep in mind that often the emotion that someone displays isn't the true emotion they are feeling. For ex: What looks like anger is often sadness. What looks like apathy is often anger. Societal pressure causes most people to repress or cover up their true feelings.
When you are approaching someone to either help them or handle a situation, make sure to create a safe environment and only then, invite the person to address what's "truly going on".

Here's a free worksheet from childandfamilydevelopment.com on "The Anger Iceberg".

 https://www.childandfamilydevelopment.com/blog/the-anger-iceberg-and-counseling/

And here's a YOUTUBE from DR. Julie on "Mastering Your Emotions"

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/C_lm5Si34XU

I can finally say, after showing up for myself and others, I can let my emotions just "be". What a gift!

Send me your thoughts!

Peace, Love, and Gentleness,

Laura

PS. As a long-time sufferer with CPTSD, I have experienced "all of these emotional states". Most predominately, "defensiveness" and "crying or sadness". 


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