How to Love a Griever

 Good morning, all,

   HP or God has a sense of humor! I started this course before my son Andrew's death on September 4th of this year, but there was something in me not feeling it. Now, I'm not only feeling it, I'm living it!

This Grief Life Coaching Certification is taught by Jan Davidson, a certified CADAC II Addiction Counselor, MATS (Medicated Assisted Treatment Specialist), AGRMS (Advanced Grief Recovery Specialist), CCTSA (Clinical Trauma Specialist-Addiction), a Mindfulness Teacher/Practitioner, and a Master Life Coach.

I feel fortunate to get to learn from her and now pass it on to you!

Today, I'm going to talk about "How to Love a Griever". 

Jan Davidson does this in a thorough worksheet I'm going to cover today.

Get the visual in your head that we are coming from the aspect of loving support always!

PART 1: Listening

This is how you might actively listen to someone who's grieving:

To actively listen to someone who is grieving, consider the following techniques:

• Give your full attention: Engage fully with the person, putting away distractions and maintaining eye contact. 

  
  

• Use verbal cues: Simple phrases like "Oh" or "Hm-hm" can indicate engagement without interrupting. 

  
  

• Reflect back feelings: Rephrase what the person says to show understanding and validate their emotions. 

  
  

• Ask open-ended questions: Encourage the person to share more about their feelings and experiences. 

  
  

• Be present: Create a safe space where the person feels comfortable sharing their thoughts and emotions. 

  
  These techniques can help create a supportive environment for someone who is grieving, allowing them to process their emotions and receive the care they need.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-r2Om-qUk0c

What are some phrases or questions you might use to show the griever that you are actually "listening"?

• "Can you tell me more about what you just said?" - This invites the speaker to elaborate further. 

  
  

• "I value your viewpoint on this." - This shows that you respect the speaker's opinion. 

  
  

• "How does that make you feel?" - This encourages the speaker to share their feelings. 

  
  

• "Go on..." - This invites the speaker to continue their story. 

  
  

• "What are your biggest concerns?" - This helps you understand the speaker's main issues. 

  
  

  
  These phrases can help you engage more deeply in conversations and demonstrate your interest in the other person's thoughts and feelings.

Part 2: OBSERVE!

What signs might indicate that someone is struggling with their grief?

https://therapyinanutshell.com/7-signs-youre-not-dealing-with-your-grief-and-loss/

How can you “gently” check in on them based on your observations?

Supporting Someone in Crisis: What to Say (and What Not to Say)

When someone is in crisis, it's natural to want to help, but knowing the right words to say—and what to avoid saying—can be challenging. Whether the crisis involves anxiety, depression, grief, or another mental health issue, the way we respond can make a big difference. Here are some supportive statements that can help:

• "I'm here for you." This simple phrase lets the person know that they are not alone.

• "It's okay to feel this way." Validating their feelings helps to normalize their experience.

• "I care about you." Expressing your concern and love can be a lifeline when someone feels isolated or misunderstood.

• "You're not alone; we can face this together." Reassuring them that they have support can make a huge difference.

• "I don't have all the answers, but I'm here to listen." You don't need to have the perfect solution. Being honest about not having all the answers, while still offering to listen, shows that you care without putting pressure on yourself or the person in crisis.

• "It's okay to take things one step at a time." Encouraging them to focus on one thing at a time can make the situation feel less daunting.
  These statements can help provide comfort and support during a difficult time. 

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• https://goaskalice.columbia.edu/fact-sheets/coping-grief-and-loss

  PART 3 VOLUNTEER !!!!!

What practical tasks can you offer to help with?

When someone is grieving, practical tasks that can be offered to help include:

• Meal Preparation: Preparing meals can be a significant burden during a time of loss. Offer to bring meals or help with meal planning. 

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• Errand Running: Running errands can alleviate the stress of daily responsibilities. Offer to run errands or help with household chores. 

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• Childcare: If the person has children, childcare can be a challenging task. Offer to watch the children or help with childcare arrangements. 

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• Bill Payments: Managing bills can be difficult. Offer to help with bill payments or provide assistance with financial tasks. 

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• Memorial Service Planning: If the person has a memorial service planned, offer to help with planning or organizing the details. 

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  These practical tasks can provide a sense of comfort and relief during the grieving process, allowing the person to focus on their healing and recovery.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pB1VwEk88xQ

How can you make your offer of help “specific” and “actionable”?

How can you make your offer of help “specific” and “actionable”?

To make your offer of help specific and actionable, consider the following suggestions:

• Acknowledge the loss: Express your sympathy and readiness to listen whenever they're ready to talk. 

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• Do not pressure them to respond: Your message should be a beacon of support, not a demand for engagement. 

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• Bring the bereaved person while you run errands: This can offer a gentle way for them to re-engage with the world. 

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• Offer specific forms of assistance: Identify tasks you can help with and offer them directly, such as sending a grocery list or walking the dog. 

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  These actions can help reduce the mental load on the bereaved and show that you are thinking of them during their time of grief. 

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PART 4 EMBRACE!!!!!

What are some ways you can provide physical or emotional comfort?

When someone is grieving, providing both physical and emotional comfort can be challenging. Here are some ways to offer comfort:

• Be Present: Simply being there for someone who is grieving can provide a sense of security and support. 

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• Offer Consistent Support: Small gestures like sending a card, delivering a meal, or checking in regularly can make a meaningful difference. 

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• Acknowledge the Loss: Saying "I'm sorry, you have my prayers" is more tender than unhealthy statements like "They are in a better place." 

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• Provide Personalized Condolences: Avoid simplistic sayings like "I'm sorry for your loss." Instead, ask how they are feeling and manage life in light of the loss. 

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• Reach Out: Encourage them to reach out for grief counseling and arrange a time to visit that is convenient and easy for them. 

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  These actions can help the bereaved person feel less isolated and more supported during their time of grief.

https://library.samhsa.gov/sites/default/files/support-grieving-loss-life-pep25-01-003.pdf

Grief: 4 Resources to Help a Grieving Friend 

How can you ensure your support is both respectful and welcomed?

To ensure your support is respectful and welcomed during a loved one's grief, consider the following guidelines:

• Be Present: Stay with your loved one, even if it's just for a moment, to show you are there for them. 

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• Listen Actively: Pay attention to their words and feelings, and avoid interrupting them. 

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• Avoid Comparisons: Don't compare their grief to your own experiences, as everyone grieves differently. 

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• Offer Practical Help: Assist with daily tasks to take some of the burden off them. 

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• Be Patient: Understand that the grieving process is unique to each person and may take time. 

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• Check in Regularly: Reach out to your loved one to show you care, even if you don't hear back immediately. 

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  By following these steps, you can provide a supportive and respectful environment for your loved one during their time of grief. 

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  2 Sources

I can't share how much gratitude for the outpouring of kindness, sympathy cards, friends showing up with flowers, gifts, and just "listening" and being there with me and continuing to do so. My family does the same through phone calls, texts, emails, Zoom, and offers support. I have heard some unhealthy sayings, but I know these folks aren't versed in grief etiquette, and honestly, I have healing to do, so I will "let that go". 

I continue to walk along the path with you to a better version of myself.

Love, Peace, and Healing, 

Laura