Internalized Shame, Reclaiming Your Self-Worth and Inner Child Healing

 

Good morning!

So, if you've stuck it out with me on this journey of "Narcissistic Life Coaching" that I've now completed (silent applause), you will remember we were to go into section 6. 

Section 6 is so huge for the healing part of those who have been in a relationship with a narcissist.

Tasha Ina Church breaks it into 4 sections:

1. Getting Rid of Internalized Shame 

2. Self-Compassion and Courage

3. Daily Affirmations

4. Rewiring by Journaling and Narrative Coaching

As always, lets break each one of these topics down.

1. What is internalized shame messages with a narcissist and how do you get rid of it?

How to get rid of internalized shame with a narcissist

To address internalized shame with a narcissist, it is crucial to understand the underlying dynamics of their behavior. Narcissists often project their shame onto others, leading to a cycle of emotional abuse and victimization. Here are some strategies to help manage internalized shame:

• Self-Affirmation: Building a strong sense of self-worth is essential. Practice self-affirmation and surround yourself with supportive individuals who value you for who you are. 

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• Setting Boundaries: Be clear about what behavior you will and won't tolerate. This can help protect yourself from further harm and reclaim your power. 

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• Emotional Resilience: Develop emotional resilience against shaming tactics. This involves building a strong sense of self-worth that isn't dependent on others' opinions. 

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• Seeking Professional Help: If internalized shame is affecting your life, consider seeking professional help. A therapist can provide guidance and support in navigating the complexities of dealing with a narcissist. 

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  By understanding and addressing internalized shame, you can foster healthier relationships and a more authentic sense of self. Remember, it's important to approach this process with patience and compassion, as it can be challenging and requires time and effort. 

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Tasha goes even deeper in her course exploring the shame messages of the narcissist.

• She advises to listen to your "inner critic" especially when you experience those repetitive "critical" thoughts such as "You're not good enough", "Your feelings don't matter", or "It's all your fault".
• Remember, narcissists use what's known as categorical language ("always", "never", and "perfect"). When these rigid terms come up, "Challenge" your "negative self-talk".
• Educate yourself about narcissistic patterns of abuse like gaslighting", "blame-shifting", and the "silent treatment". The understanding of these narcissistic tactics of abuse rather than identifying them as your own character defects on your part is a crucial step in seeing and understanding how they became internalized.
• Identify your emotional triggers. Notice when you feel "intense" shame, anxiety, or confusion. these particular messages signal an internal message has been "activated".
• By journaling conversations and incidents in a factual manner that you've experienced with a narcissist, you can stay grounded in your truth to counter any messages of gaslighting or self-doubt the messages might promote.
• Here's an exercise Tash Ina Church includes:

Try this gentle exercise: When a self-critical thought appears, ask yourself: “Whose voice is this?” If it’s not your true, kind self, it’s time to let it go. You can even write or say aloud: “I release the voices that never spoke love to me. I choose truth and kindness instead.

Here's a great article from narcissiticabuserehab.com on "Narcissistic Victim Syndrome"

6 Signs You Might Have Narcissistic Victim Syndrome

2. Tasha includes a section on Self-Compassion and Courage:

"Self-compassion doesn’t mean pretending everything is fine; it means permitting yourself to be human, to make mistakes, and to grow at your own pace. Courage doesn’t always roar; sometimes it whispers, “I’m trying again today.”

"To rewrite your story with self-compassion and courage means changing your relationship with yourself, from self-pity to a loving conversation with yourself that enables you to break bad habits and embrace a more genuine life. This approach is founded on self-kindness, embracing your common humanity, and mindful awareness. This foundation of self-love promotes emotional resilience, decreases depression and anxiety, and increases drive for positive change. "

"Courage is the willingness to face this "current narrative" and take "small intentional steps" toward a more "fulfilling story". 

How do we do this?

1.By Acknowledging our and Challenging Limiting Beliefs: Question your stories ("I'm not good enough" "I'll always fail" for accuracy).

2.Embrace Discomfort as Growth: View the discomfort that comes with change as a sign of growth not a signal to STOP.

3. Take Aligned Action: Act in ways that reflect the person you want to become, even if it feels risky at first.

 

Self-Reflection: 

Who are you without others' expectations? Mostly, I'm my "True Self".

What makes you proud of yourself right now? That I'm doing this work. Also, this morning, even with daily problems in my life today, I do "my next right action", and trust that it will be ok. 

How can you show yourself the same compassion you offer others? I'm human, I make mistakes, I'm worthy of love, kindness, and care. I also look at the bigger picture. I'm part of the human race. So, what I do to myself projects outward. If I love myself, have kindness for myself, it projects outward.

Rewrite, Reclaim, Recover: A Guide to Narrative Therapy

Narrative therapy is a powerful tool for rewriting your story after a relationship with a narcissist. It encourages you to challenge harmful beliefs, separate yourself from problems, and embrace your strengths and resilience. Here are some steps to help you rewrite your story with compassion and courage:

• Challenge Negativity Bias: Focus on positive experiences and learn to remember them instead of fixating on failures. 

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• Set Yourself as the Creator: Take control of your narrative and decide which stories you want to tell about yourself. 

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• Rewrite the Origin Story: Change discouraging narratives about yourself to ones that highlight your strengths and lessons learned. 

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• Question Cultural Expectations: Challenge limiting cultural narratives and embrace your unique strengths and experiences. 

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• Narrative Therapy: Engage in narrative therapy to uncover meaning, challenge harmful beliefs, and create a more authentic version of yourself. 

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  By following these steps, you can begin to rewrite your story and reclaim your sense of self-worth and identity. Remember, you are the author of your life story, and you have the power to create a narrative that reflects your values and aspirations. 

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Healing Your Inner Child:

Free How do you heal your inner child from narcissism

To heal your inner child from narcissism, consider the following steps:

• Acknowledge the Trauma: Recognize and validate your experiences, understanding that your feelings are valid and healing is necessary. 

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• Understand the Impact of Narcissistic Abuse: Educate yourself about narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and its effects on your thoughts and behaviors. 

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• Reconnect with Your Inner Child: Engage in activities you enjoyed as a child or reflect on childhood memories to process past emotions. 

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• Establish Boundaries: Protect your well-being by establishing and enforcing boundaries with toxic individuals. 

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• Challenge Negative Self-Beliefs: Replace harmful beliefs with kindness and understanding to foster a healthier self-image. 

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• Seek Professional Help: Therapy can provide a safe space to explore feelings and develop coping strategies. 

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  These steps can help you reclaim your sense of peace and self-worth, moving past the wounds of narcissistic abuse. 

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Here's a YOUTUBE on: "Reparenting the Inner Child After Narcissistic Abuse"

Reparenting the Inner Child: Healing Emotions After Narcissistic Abuse

3. Daily Affirmations:

Daily Affirmations for Narcissistic Abuse Survivors

Daily affirmations can be a powerful tool for healing from narcissistic abuse. They help to rewire the mind, promote self-love, and reinforce healthy boundaries. Here are some daily affirmations that can be used to support the healing process:

• "I am capable of healing and transformation."
• "I will cherish my own self-worth."
• "I am the architect of my own destiny."
• "I will breathe, knowing every moment brings healing."
• "I am not defined by someone else’s actions."
  These affirmations can be repeated daily to help reinforce positive self-perceptions and emotional resilience. It is important to personalize these affirmations to make them more relatable and effective for individual healing journeys. 

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Tasha Ina Church uses this Daily Affirmation Practice in this section and course:

Repeat these affirmations every day, say them out loud, write them on sticky notes, or record them in your phone: 

"I am enough without doing anything to prove it."

" I am lovable just as I am."

 "My worth is not up for negotiation." ""I can rest without guilt."

" I don’t need permission to shine."

" I release the need to please others to feel valued." 

"My voice, feelings, and needs matter. "

WRITE YOUR OWN “I AM ENOUGH” STATEMENT BELOW. 

"I am enough because ________________________________."

4. Belief Re-Wiring, Journaling, Narrative Coaching:

brainzmagazine.com introduces this section on "Belief Rewiring" in this article.

 A 7-Step Science-Backed Method on How to Rewire Limiting Beliefs

Free Journaling Prompts to Use in Healing from a Narcissistic Relationship

Healing from a narcissistic relationship can be a challenging journey, but journaling can be a powerful tool to aid in processing feelings and gaining clarity. Here are some free journaling prompts to use in the healing process:

• Reflect on Your Emotions: Describe how you felt during different stages of the relationship and what emotions you currently experience when thinking about it. 

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• Identify Manipulative Behaviors: Recall specific behaviors or actions your partner exhibited that felt manipulative or controlling. How did these behaviors impact your sense of self and wellbeing? 

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• Examine Your Boundaries: Reflect on the boundaries you set during the relationship and how they changed over time. Why did they change? 

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• Explore Gaslighting Experiences: Recall instances where you were gaslighted and how these tactics affected your self-esteem and trust in yourself. 

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• Practice Self-Compassion: How have you been treating yourself since the relationship ended? What steps can you take to show yourself more kindness and compassion during this healing journey? 

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  These prompts can help you process your experiences, validate your reality, and rebuild your self-trust after narcissistic abuse. Remember, journaling is a personal practice, and what works for one person may not work for another. If you find that your emotions become overwhelming or you need additional support, don't hesitate to reach out to a therapist or counselor. 

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Tasha Ina Church uses these prompts in her course and in this section:

1. What does "I am enough" mean to me personally?

2. When I do struggle to believe "I am enough", what helps me to remember it again?

3. Write one new affirmation that speaks directly to your healing right now.

4. How has my inner voice changed since the beginning of this module?

5. What gentle practice (journaling, affirmations, mindfulness, therapy, rest) helps me reconnect with my true self?

6. How will I remind myself daily that I am worthy, loved, and whole just as I am?

How does narrative coaching help healing a narcisstic survivor

Narrative coaching for narcissistic survivors involves a multifaceted approach to support their recovery. Here are some ways narrative coaching can assist in the healing process:

• Education and Awareness: Coaches provide education about the dynamics of narcissistic abuse, helping survivors understand the tactics used by abusers and the effects of such relationships. This knowledge empowers survivors to make sense of their experiences and recognize patterns of manipulation and control. 

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• Setting Boundaries: Life coaches assist survivors in setting and maintaining healthy boundaries, which is crucial for protecting their emotional well-being and regaining control over their lives. 

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• Rebuilding Self-Esteem: Coaches work with survivors to rebuild their confidence and self-worth, challenging negative self-talk and promoting self-love and self-compassion. 

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• Empowerment and Goal Setting: Coaches collaborate with survivors to set realistic goals for personal and professional growth, contributing to the overall empowerment of the individual. 

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• Support and Validation: Coaches provide validation to survivors, acknowledging the reality and impact of their experiences, which is essential in breaking the cycle of self-doubt and confusion instilled by the abuser. 

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  Narrative coaching offers a safe and empathetic space for survivors to share their experiences without judgment, helping them feel heard and understood. This approach is particularly beneficial for survivors who have experienced narcissistic abuse, as it provides a way to process their trauma and work towards healing. 

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This section has included a lot of helpful information. 

As always, if you have anything to add or share, please do!

Peace, Love, and Courage,

Laura