Learning to Set Boundaries That Hold

 Good morning!

  This is part 4 of Tasha Ina Church's "Narcissistic Life Coaching" Course that I'm taking and enjoying on Transformation Academy. Walking through the lessons has been helpful not hurtful! That's why I'm continuing to share them with you.

Let's look at the definition psychologytoday.com gives for boundaries and why they are important:

Each person must decide where they draw the line between preserving their privacy, at least from those with whom they are not intimate, and letting others in. To maintain those lines, they erect boundaries and work to preserve them. Some individuals are more vigilant, and even aggressive, about their firewalls, which can lead to discomfort, if not conflict, with others. But in general, setting healthy boundaries can be a way of preserving one's mental health and well-being.

Boundaries | Psychology Today

1. Let's look at the 4 types of Basic Boundaries in the any relationship:

• Physical
• Emotional
• Time
• Material/Financial

Free the 4 Basic Boundaries in Any Relationship

To free the four basic boundaries in any relationship, individuals should focus on setting clear limits that protect their emotional, mental, and physical well-being. Here are the four basic boundaries to consider:

• Emotional Boundaries: Protect your emotional energy and set limits on emotional intimacy and emotional support. Example: "I care about you, but I’m not in a place to have this conversation right now." 

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• Mental/Intellectual Boundaries: Respect differing thoughts and beliefs. Example: "We can disagree, but I’d like to keep the conversation respectful." 

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• Physical Boundaries: Relate to personal space and physical contact. Example: "I’m not comfortable hugging people I don’t know well." 

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• Time Boundaries: Help you manage and protect your schedule at work and in your personal life. Example: "I’m only available for 30 minutes, but I’d love to catch up during that time." 

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  Setting these boundaries is crucial for maintaining respect, trust, and health in a relationship. It allows individuals to feel safe and valued, ensuring that their needs and limits are recognized and respected by others. 

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Here is a great article from psychhub.com that covers more on the types of boundaries and "The Difference Between Boundaries vs. Control".

https://psychhub.com/resources/articles/setting-boundaries-in-relationships

2. Here are some Boundary Scripts:

Boundary Scripts - Starter Kit

From Terri Cole:

Boundary-Scripts-1.pdf

And From Sharon Martin:

(899) Boundary Scripts: How to Phrase Your Boundaries - YouTube

 From Tasha Ina Church! 💖 When someone keeps crossing your limits: “I’ve asked you before not to do that. If it continues, I’ll have to take a step back.” 

💭 When you’re feeling emotionally drained: “I care about you, but I need some space right now to take care of myself.” 

🕰 When your time is not respected: “My time is limited today. Let’s talk about this another time.” 

🚪 When ending a conversation: “This topic makes me uncomfortable. I’m not willing to discuss it further.” 

⚡ When saying no (without guilt!): “No, thank you.” (You don’t owe anyone an explanation.)

3. How to Decide When to Go Low or No Contact:

To know or decide when to go low or no contact with a person, consider the following steps:

• Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your feelings and the relationship dynamics. Ask yourself if the relationship is toxic or if it causes emotional distress. 

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• Identify Red Flags: Look for signs of toxic behavior, such as emotional abuse, manipulation, or repeated boundary violations. Recognizing these behaviors can help you make an informed decision. 

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• Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with the person you wish to cut off. This can include limiting communication and setting expectations for interactions. 

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• Seek Support: Consider talking to a therapist or trusted friend who can provide guidance and support during this process. They can help you navigate your feelings and make a decision that aligns with your well-being. 

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• Consider the Long-Term Impact: Reflect on the potential consequences of going no contact, including the possibility of changing the person's behavior or the impact on your mental health. 

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  By following these steps, you can better understand when it may be necessary to go low or no contact with a person.
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  5 Sources

https://youtu.be/g_Bc9rnRrTc

Here's Dr. Ramani on YOUTUBE giving us "The Pros and Cons of No/Low Contact".

Wikihow.com does a thorough job of covering the "No Contact Rule with An Ex":

How to Stick with the No-Contact Rule (& Why It Can Help)

4. Tasha Ina Church always closes her section with a reflection. Her reflection in this one is:

Where do I find it hardest to set boundaries and why? For me, it was always tied to the emotional ones because of my personal abandonment and need to be liked issues. Now, I would say it's more about time. I really have to limit my time and budget it as well as prioritize importance of responsibilities, fun, goals, people, etc. When I type this out, this has been an issue running a theme and thread my entire life!

I hope you've enjoyed this section and will find something to share with me or another.

Peace, Light, and Curiosity,

Laura